By more than doubling the number of people hitting the site, FineLiving.com made its way into our Top Ten movers list with over a quarter-million visitors in Week 29. The site is the web presence for Fine Living Television Network, a cable TV channel targeted at those who want to live, and can presumably afford, the good life. They describe themselves as “the first television network dedicated to inspiring and empowering people to find the most rewarding ways to spend their time and money, allowing them to uncover the greatest value from their experiences.”
If I had time and/or money to spend, I might look into this channel so I could uncover this "hidden value". But I have neither. And being the bitter, lazy cynic that I am, rather than tune in and try to improve my outlook on life, I choose mockery. Here then is a list of actual Fine Living show titles, followed by descriptions of what each show would be about if it reflected my actual lifestyle.
|Fine Living Show||Fine Living Description||Bitter Living Description|
|The Art of the Party||Series hosts Michele Adams and Gia Russo share their knowledge of the culinary, decorative, and logistical elements of throwing a party for any occasion.||Your guests will be arriving any minute, but the dishes aren’t clean and you never did get the dishwasher fixed. We’ll show you how to put that bathtub to good use. Plus: cheap liquor in expensive bottles — why they won’t know the difference.|
|Follow That Food||Ever wonder just where some of your favorite delicacies come from and how they get here? FINE LIVING’s host is hot on the trail of gourmet goodies, going from “cradle to plate” with some of the world’s greatest food delights.||Which has more beef by-products, McDonald’s Double Quarter Pounder with cheese or Burger King’s Quad Stacker with Bacon? Also, find out why trans-fats are actually good for you.|
|Lost in Italy||Follow the real-life adventures of Douglas and his wife Ombretta as they discover the hidden places and everyday people that define Italy.||You got lost on your way back from Pompeii, and you’ve been drinking most of the night at a train station in Naples. Now it’s 3am and you’re buying a carton of cigarettes from a guy on a street corner. He’s ogling your girlfriend and appears to be missing his nose. We’ll give you some simple tips on how to escape with your life, though maybe not your dignity.|
|Pocket the Difference||There’s only one thing you need to get top-quality products, goods and services for the least amount of money: the right information.||The cashier thinks you bought a 32oz. Big Gulp, but it’s really a 44oz.! How can you get away with it? We’ll show you!|